I don't know why, but the MTV Video Music Awards are a must watch for me every year. It's probably fueled by nostalgic reasons, remembering back when the VMAs were amazing. This year they opened with Lady Gaga. That can't compare to the year where they opened with The Smashing Pumpkins, which was an amazing performance that didn't feature Lady Gaga's ass.

I still watch the VMAs for the same reason that I watched several seasons of Jersey Shore, and for the same reason that I listen to hit radio: I'm a pop culture junkie. So when I was thinking up an article for tonight, I had the idea of combining the VMAs with the Pittsburgh Pirates, giving out VMA themed awards to Pittsburgh Pirates players this season. What follows is basically my life's work.

The "Justin Timberlake Could Have Bee...

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